hhush

and I am awake

2008-12-09T09:24:00.008+08:00

cause someone texted me at 6+ in the morning. ALAMAKKKKKKKK.
woke up and did few stupid things like... *insert sound effect here*
masak air tapi mandi air sejuk (HAHAHA TKDE MOTIVE)
made 3 cups of coffee to drown my marie biscuits
and I wasnt supposed to, but I read my brother's resume. can't blame me, he saved it on desktop. dah tentu tentu depan mata, aku bace je laa HAHAHHAHAHA.
annnnnnnnnd *insert sound effect here*

...

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH I KNOW, RIGHT?
that helmet feels mighty heavy on my head, and that jacket is super ass huge
I'm thinking of baking cookies tmr.
^^

- -F

touchdown

2008-12-08T10:12:00.004+08:00

I'M BACKKKKKKKKKK!
mwahahahahahahahahaha. kangen banget dgn siswa siswi spenzaga!
superduper tired, I slept like a pig for 2 days straight.
k aku malas nak type pasal kat indon. well I shopped, I bought a dress HAHAHAHAH A BATIK HALTER NECK DRESS TAU, FAZ ADE HATI NK JADI GIRLYYYY

-______________________-

k stop it. pictures later.
yeah I learnt alot of things, one of them is that
SYAHIRAH HORNAYYYYYYYY!
sumpah, tu anak punyelah hornayyy with three y's (more like banyak y's lar kan). HAHAHAHHAHAA
room 214 eh. ehem ehem *winks*
so I owe a special thanks to syahirah, who managed to put up with my nonsense and even survived a night at the hotel with me.(HAHAHAHAHHAHA)

p.s. spongebob in bahasa indonesia sounds creepy, I just dunno why
p.p.s. I FINISHED MOCKINGBIRD! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA K BESTTTTTTT

k selamat hari raye aidiladha bekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! *insert kambing emoticon here*
- -F

pre flight jitters

2008-11-28T14:14:00.001+08:00

we're flying off in less than 24 hours
woosh!

*my luggage looks like a fat ass who needs the gym. SUMPAH!

- -F

3 days to Purbalingga

2008-11-26T08:00:00.011+08:00

and I still have not packed. cockney geezer! I don't even have a luggage dammit.
shows that I've been having too much fun.
dance and gamelan and tarian in one day. dance and gamelan in one day. gym and dance with sabrina. swimming with fad saf fana su. ubin with 3L1. sentosa/vivo with 6B'2005. Gamelan @ BoonLay SC with the gang. East Coast with the gang. izyan's window x2 with sabrina (HAHA WHAT ABOUT THAT MAN) personal movie "marathon". "discovering" new bands (well they're not new, they're just bands my brother listens to that I have never heard of and coincidentally they sound pretty good). personal reading "festival". book and song binging(s). self-indulgance at its best, including cookies and frappes and icecream and kinder buenos.

yeah. no wonder I haven't started on packing

buena, muy buena amigos..

muchacha bonita

entusiastas de violín(:

si sólo, si sólo, si sólo usted supiera, muchacho,

si sólo yo mirada hermoso cada día, HAHA

Me gusta éste el más.

usted tiene no una idea

"tienes mi cabeza dando vueltas
Y no sé adonde ir desde aquí
Y es tú y mi y toda la gente
Nada que hacer, nada que perder
Y es tú y mi y toda la gente y
No sé porque no puedo mantener mis ojos fuera de ti
Hay algo acerca de ti, ahora
Que no consigo absolutamente entender"

- -F

behold, the nose.

2008-11-16T21:28:00.002+08:00

I smell something
I smell something that reminds me of..
I smell something, and now I can't sleep.

"it's your sweet perfume
the scent of you
that I oh,
I don't know"
you know the rest.
don't forget the lyrics

behold,

2008-11-16T21:15:00.003+08:00

slept over at fifi's yesterday, eventhough I didnt bring along clothes. BBQ was quite gerek. ate like a whole lot (new personal record: 2 plates of macaroni, about 3 servings of bbq prawns and 2 chicken wings, steamboat, a slice of birthday cake) and went online at 1 am. and surprise, surprise. I was like bloody shocked okay, tetibe "yo wth are you doing online at 1 am? lol." and stop wasting energy, seriously -_____-
grh. Im bloody tired these days. slept like a pig (HAHAHHAA another new personal record, 11 hours of sleep)
I'm happy. hahahahahha
well not quite, but yeah I'm good(:

- -F

downhill thrill

2008-11-13T20:18:00.004+08:00

(stolen from sabrina)
(tk menjadi k sorry)

GIRLBAND :]

UBIN WAS THE SHITZXZXZXZXXZ!
my first time cycling there and to think that I was scared of crashing while going downhill. but it was fun, letting go of the brakes 70% of the time and letting gravity pull my heavy ass down the slopes, feeling the breeze and screaming "FUZZY ROCKSTEADY!" while going down (k satu kali je tapi gerek laaa kan pekik sorang sorang). I guess I haven't had much room for thrills like these in my entire 15 years of life. (HAHAHHAHA FAZ JAKUN TURUN SLOPE :D )
the jetty was amazing. it was super duper uberly windy there and I took the chance to dry my hair heeheee. jump shot attempts, making faces for the camera. and the boardwalk was gerek with izy aisyah and syahirah. (kitorg terjangkit org kt blakang nyanyi lagu jiwang wthzxzxzxzxz!) and sorry eh syahirah, muke aku extra HAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA. but seriously. my fave was the boardwalk, we had the chance to see the lonely tree up close. it was SO hard to resist from diving into the water. goodness. see what jakun-ness does to you.
tired, but satisfied. another few "I have never"s cancelled on my list okaaaaay best! :]

after that had tarian. missed gamelan cause I was rushing.
went home and had dinner with parents (after I dont know how long, srsly)

(in malay)
dad: someone got killed by white tiger at the zoo
mum: dont talk nonsense laaa, zoo where got white tiger. white tiger at australia laa.
me: have laaaa. next time I bring mama go zoo ok hahahaha
(news talking about the white tiger incident)
dad: see I told you so. they make it look like suicide
me: who commit suicide at the zoo?
mum: haiyo. people these days
----------------------------------------
dad: eh why the eggs so sour?
me: what, duck eggs eh?
mum: no, cause asam finish already then I go use lime juice laaa

HAHAHHAHAH SERIOUSLY. lime juice in sambal tumis telur? k it was nice, I had to admit.(cause its my mum duuuuuuuuuh) and I ate the yolk this time, cause it was half gooey heh.
tmr maybe swimming with faddie.
wah klau slalu cam gini kaki conferm muscle seh.

Im tired. I want a foot rub ]:

- -F

: O

2008-11-11T22:44:00.002+08:00

ms aza found my blog.
HAHAHAHAHHA you should've seen the look on my face, srsly.
priceless...

goodnight world! (:

- -F

bipolar disorder

2008-11-11T20:48:00.004+08:00

initially, no.
dance was, so so. stretched and tried splits again. still failed. then went off and lepak with su.
but tarian was SUPER!gerek. we finished the whole thing nyahahahahaaaaaa! I'm so proud of myself for being able to dance now (hahaahhaha k shutup faz). yeah but it was tiring, I had to resort to using that smelly yoko yoko thing because I'm having leg cramps. shizzles but it's okay I guess, I wont die or anything HAHA. had gamelan today. totally screwed it up and I got lost in the middle of mayar sewu. or was it pangkur? okay forget it. and my finger is still swollen. well, that's what you get when you don't catch balls properly. but street netball (or whatever just now was) was supergerek but superganas but superklakar and superkecoh with ms aza and su and aisyah and syahirah(phobia!) and izy and sab. k best.
im still not done with the profile thingy. SRSLY.
whaaaat.

- -F

thankyou, once again.

2008-11-06T17:46:00.004+08:00

07062008-05112008 .
thanks for the memories. thanks for everything, everything. what I felt, no words can do it justice, I can only smile because it happened. the laughter and joy you brought to my life, the times where you made my days a little bit easier, the times where you held me close like I wanted you to, the times where you were there for me, the times where you sang it like you meant it, the times where you put up with me, the times where you didnt mind if I doodle all over your textbook and stuff. thanks for the jokes, last minute movie plans, late night messages, early morning wake up calls, thanks for caring. I'll always remember, the steady murmur, always in my head. it was nice having you around, really. you were my sunshine, you were my comfort, you changed my life, turned it upside down. I feel that I've become a better person because of you and I thank you for that. I've learnt to be patient, I've learnt to be more tolerant somehow, I've learnt that I'm the one who chose my path, now walk it. this is really hard for me, because youre one of the best things that happened to me and I let you walk away, I let you go just like that. but that's okay, I'mma be okay because I know I won't end up feeling bitter about this, I won't end up hating you, I won't end up hating myself for all that I've felt. sure I'll miss you, I'll think of you when I can't get to sleep at night and I'd probably cry if I hear songs that remind me of you but that's okay. you'll always be a part of me.
I'll never forget you. I'll never forget you, muhd amirul.

- -F

ohohohohohoho

2008-11-02T18:31:00.004+08:00

HELLO, I HAVENT STUDIED FOR WEDNESDAY'S PAPER AND I'M NOT PREPARED FOR TRAINING TMR
^____________^

~~ohmygod~~

went for kenduri just now, fifi wasnt there )))))))))))):
~~maybe I shouldnt have went~~
but I was bored and I didnt want to be stuck home with my brother who's, by the way, like 1/3 covered in bandages and has been conquering the laptop since 10 in the morning.

I'm kind of scared shitless actually.
oh god please give me the courange to face this
shit. I know I have to be brave, be strong and face this. straighten this out, once and for all, and get things back on track. I know that this cannot wait, this cannot drag unless I want to stay like this forever, keeping mum and in the end I'm the one who gets hurt and upset because nobody knows what's in here. I've learnt that of all forms of tortue that exist in this world, the worst kind of torture one can receive is the simple act of waiting. I've waited, I've waited, I don't know how long it's gonna take until I can't stay around and wait for a change anymore. I don't want that to happen. sometimes I feel like I'm floating away, but oh god please let me stay. ~~holding on to patience wearing thin, I can't force these eyes to see the end.~~

- -F

thankyou.

2008-10-31T22:46:00.002+08:00

yes it's mama's birthday, I didnt get her anything lol. went for dinner at secret recipe then me and sis went to the counter and ordered another slice of cake and we requested for a candle. 10 minutes later the lights went off in the whole restaurant and they played the birthday song for mama woooooo~ hahahahaa best kan. we werent expecting that lol. but dinner was abit difficult, cause they played songs which made me like want to bawl my eyes out right there and then(tknk kalah seh main lagu I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing) hhahaha but okay lah. at least I could swallow my meatballs without choking.
happy birthday ma (:

then after that went to see my anak sedare hahahahahaa super cute okayyyyyyyy!
tapi sepet ah heh.

-----------------------------------------------------------

to: aisyah faddie izyan sabrina safiah.

korg, thankyou many many for that girl talk lepas gamelan just now. I finally got to like lepaskan geram/complain/whine about certain things that has been making me feel tk stabil for idontknowhowlongsrsly. initially I wanted to stay for only like 10 minutes but korg eh, mcm glue(: mcm selame ni I kept thinking maybe it's my fault things turned out this way, but after talking to you guys, I didnt feel lke tht. bukannye aku mcm tk pernah buat salah lah, but I realized that some things arent acceptable tapi aku mcm buat dek je. I definitely felt better, thanks tau korg esp safiah psl siket siket interrupt. psl red jumpsuit apparatus la, psl selak skirt la, psl slua koyak la (ahahahahha siape nye slua ah?). aku pun mcm tengah fikir fikir, especially about what faddie and saf said. I'll think about it lah, but for now, tengok dulu mcm maner. and srsly I didnt expect you guys to be so shocked/surprised when I told korg psl tu. psl tu laaa. srsly, thankyou so much korg. sayang korg many many :']

- -F

2008-10-30T18:28:00.003+08:00

I cant even talk to you properly now.
Im just so fucking good at wasting chances.
I wanted to talk to you, but I ran out of things to say.

spaaaaaaaa

2008-10-30T17:34:00.005+08:00

ok tk gabra sangat.
Chem spa tmr.
Tarian tmr.
Gamelan tmr.
Momma's birthdayyy tmr (I still have no idea what to get her, I was thinking of lilies :/ )
OMG TMR'S THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! :O
I like sec 3, sec 4 is just so intimidating. and I have yet to collect my IC from the office, it's been 1 month plusplusplusplus k.
I'm still having headaches, and my throat is ickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk ):
I had bubble tea at least 4 times this week hahahahahaaaaa. This week wasnt really really gerek tbh. I mean yaaaa I did have fun during tarian, after tarian, before tarian and I don't feel so lonely cause I walk home with fad after practise. but things felt kind of different lately, and I srsly don't know why. school's been kind of a breeze, mainly cause I switch off during lessons, or I'm thinking of other things instead of focusing. I've been having superweird dreams. like really superweird where I'd wake up crying, shaking or I'd mumble "huh" for 5 five seconds before realizing it's already 6. and then like, I can't remember these dreams except for some parts of it. it's annoying, I can't figure it out. it's irritating times 100000000 and sometimes I feel like I don't want to sleep, because I don't want to wake up crying, shaking or get stuck in twilight zone for the next 9232932323283 hours of my life. I need to get a grip.

I want to talk to you.
Because when I see your name pop up on the screen, everything feels different, like it's all going to be fine. that's when my heart starts beating faster faster faster faster.
I miss that feeling.

- -F

grhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2008-10-29T19:03:00.005+08:00

headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. headache. moodswing. I've been having weird dreams, someone unexpected cried, someone unexpected got pissed off and doesnt cool down even after I wake up.
k I didn't like today. k tmr Bio spa. gerek or whaaaaaaat.
jgn aku gabra/panic x1000000000000 sudah eh.
all the breast, L1 kiddos.

- -F

noooooooooooooooooooooooo

2008-10-27T20:19:00.003+08:00

B*TCH(!)

my phone is left with half a keypad. now I can only press the numbers(but cannot call, can you say bodoh?!) and the off button. grhhhhhhhrawrrrr I was about to text bby but I couldnt unlock the keypad. shizzles. W980, I'll get my tiny hands on you. I will. grhhhhhhhh my phone ): x10000000. I think that's the first phone I supersuperlove, cause it's white and cause it has always been there to keep me company at night or whenever I'm bored/lonely/depressed/whateverr. I shouldve left the bluetooth on, dammit, cause now I can't transfer the superawesome pictures I took with feenee and pretty napkins (FIFI GO UPLOAD THE PICTURES ON YOUR BLOG LAAAA). yeah there's a text message from some number I don't know and the fact that I can't read it annoys me greatly. what if it's urgenttttt~. grrrrrrrh geram arrr >:[

grhhhhhrawrh. I miss bby. (ya I know I'm seeing him tmr)

):

k da bye.
- -F

zahada!

2008-10-24T21:19:00.003+08:00

hahahahahaha pakcik satay :D
okay im doing zahada now, so in your face.
so hard.
no i dont want to ask bby for help eventhough hes like at level idunnowhaaat already (HAHAH EGO OR WHAT, FAZ?)

kbyeeee

- -F

2008-10-21T21:48:00.002+08:00

i'm f* tired

and I dont know why.
hari ni mcm banyak maki. ntah ah.

k dah bye.

- -F

PMS

2008-10-17T18:39:00.003+08:00

< PMS RANT >
okay endyear paper results mcm totally sialnkmamposnyer sial, like IN YOUR FACE FAZLEEN, YOU SHOULDVE STUDIED HARDER.
OK AKU TAU ARH, and Im pretty much pissed off with myself. If only I studied harder. ~~fuck.~~ and amaths is seriously out to sakitkan hati. I got 49/50 likesrslyhowpatheticisthat ~~and stop telling me to be angry sad depressed whatever because I could have earned 2 more fucking marks and pass, again. sial.~~ okay at least my overall is a D but Im still annoyed because I needed 3 more marks to pull it up to a C. MCM DAMMIT KAN KAN KAN KAN KAN? I seriously never thought that I'd go beyond E8 for amaths.
L1R5 20, if Im not wrong. this is what I call flunking. my L1R5 technically DOUBLED within 5 weeks. le gasp. because this time round, truckloads of B's, one C, one A.
English is now my saving grace. I got a B for art. ~~ni lagi satu mcm sialarh. okay I didnt put in effort, I was short of 2 marks to an A.~~
I got a C for Chemistry. (Pun not intended) but things are definitely looking up for this subject which I used to have a love/hate relationship with. ade sinar harapan gitu, cos for paper only I got like 63, which pulled up my overall. puas hati jgak ar kan. I'll pull up the grade, hopefully. I guess M.Lim is not so bad after all. Im getting used to his way of teaching, finally.
B for Biology. (Pun not intended)rabakgiler. disappointing. Counting paper only, I passed by a mere 3.5 marks. bf beat me by like, idk how many marks. k fine laaaaaaaa, I wont complain since I was being "annoying" cause I beat him by one mark for some other shits.
B for H.malay, counting paper only, I passed by 8.5 marks. I hope I dont get skinned alive.

< /PMS rant >

checking of scripts was pretty much annoying. it was hot and I was restless and bf was like "ah suke eh? suke eh?" when we found out I won him by one or two marks for some small shits like comprehension. sorry ar, not my fault kan. marker likes my paper more than yours. k tkmo marah marah, nanti wrinkles lah(: hahahahahahha k shutup faz. went for gamelan yesterday. boleh tahan gerek laa, me and syahirah took a picture, dua dua muka stopeeeeeeeeeeet srsly HAHAHHAA. yeah.
today was, bleh. syahirah didnt come (sakit perut eh?(: ) and we had this leadership course thing which was so bodoh, I shouldve faked sick. grhhhhhh -___-
ntah ah. today sucked. I wanted PE ):
today sucked
k dah bye

- -F

10102008

2008-10-11T20:02:00.007+08:00

AKU CINTA SAMA THECINTAS TAUUUUU :D

THECINTAS JLN RAYE WAS
supergerekgilertothemaxpunyegereklahsiakkk! eventhough I look drunk in like 90% of the pictures we took, I had a blast like FRRL MAN. tk pernah seumur hidop aku jln raye sampai rumah kul 12 tengahmalam tauuuu. and thankgod I was with fad (pakai baju mcm same color pulak tu HAHAHA GEREK PER) if not I would be walking alone kat tepi longkang mlm mlm buta. I still havent grabbed those pictures, Im too lazy to do so. (HHAHAHA KK JANJI AKU UPLOAD KAT FRIENDSTER. SOON :D)

abeh mlm mlm buta da penat giler, kat rumah SAFiah da nk collapse, tetibe terbangon seh. FAD NYE PASAL AR NI. she was screaming cos izy and su tengah pegang terrapins abeh gi kt dier.

aku tau post ni banyak caps. haha k diam.

and for the first time dalam 15 tahun, i played with bunga api HOHOHOHOHOH (kes deprived childhood) I almost chicken-ed out cause bunyi SIKITPUNYEKUATTAU. and MINDS ade dpt member baru seh (HAHAHHAHA KORG DIAM AKU SORG BUDAK MINDS SEJATI TAU). ahahahah abeh part yg ms aza nye niece terpekik psl kitorg. abeh ader mat mat sesat mane ternampak kiteorg pekik selamat hari raye maser ms aza bukak pintu. HAHAHAHAH. abeh saf nye terrapins cuteee!
reached lakeside around 11 45 gitu. abeh temankn fad beli prepaid (nanti org tu tkleh tido kannnn(: ) trus sampai rumah cun cun kul 12. so I was like sticky and sweaty (eeeeeew) tapi maseh boleh malas nk mandi. hahah tapi mandi jgak ar. k aku smlm tido tk nyenyak sangat ar kan, walaupun tido kul 12 14 tnghmlm. TK NYENYAK TAU.
k srs smlm gerek habes. aku sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaang korg many many! muahs!

abeh today woke up at 7+ then slept again until 10 hahahaa pig. abeh gi library, pungut buku. A Thousand Splendid Suns is a definite MUST READ tautautau. I think this one is much better than Kite Runner. alah tk tau arh, dua dua buku touchinggilerpunyetouching heh. finished it in 3 hours wooooohoooooooooo. abeh lpas tu makcik came. hahah hidayat supercute laaa tapi hyperactive mcm makkausrslytklehangkat punye hyperactive!

hahahha k da mls type.
psl tengah boleh tahan bingit jgak.
tk msg, tk online, tk ape.
org tanye tkmo jwb.
bingit tau.
sheesh

k da bye.

- -F

2008-10-08T20:52:00.002+08:00

OH F*CK AND BANG.

-----------------------------
this is not good. I have 2 f*cking papers tmr and Im online holy shitzxzxzxzxz!

):

if youre reading this, HELLO! (hahahahahaaaa)
I dont want to go to the beach on friday

- -F

07102008

2008-10-07T19:47:00.001+08:00

4 months old.
♥

------------------

hey Chemistry wasn't so bad I guess. Better than mid year, when I was still stupid and clueless. well, Im still stupid now, but at least Im not that clueless. hoho. and for the first time ever, I chose the essay question for Literature section A. My work was pretty skimpy, 2.5 pages only complete with messed up quotations and evidence. I srsly hope I wont get penalized for the messed up quotations, I think I mixed them up PRETTY BADLY. anyho. had Amaths "remedial", k not remedial, it's just NYH telling us what to study for the Amaths paper. and to those who werent there, youre screwed lol. k just kidding. tmr no paper weeeehoooo! but I don't feel like studying hmm. I guess I'll hang around or something, go for a swim maybe. grhhh. I hate feeling so lazy.

I better get back to Bio now, since I received a threat stating that someone will skin me alive if I screw up (EHEM EHEM WHO HARR?)

well, come to think of it, I do deserve to be skinned if I screw up.

y/n?

p.s. iloveyou.

- -F

fear

2008-10-06T16:43:00.002+08:00

F*ck Everything And Run.
sounds familliar, sab?

courage is not the absence of fear itself, it is the ability to overcome our fears.
then maybe there's always something to scare us, so we know what it feels like to be brave.
then maybe that's why I want to do it. just for tonight.
~~because I'm not brave enough to face this~~

----
weekends are for wasting, no?
maybe. had day camp in the library for two consecutive days (I PWNZ). hoho. yeah ~~but I didn't study a single thing.~~ I studied a little. A LITTLE. because someone was distracting (hahahahaaa) but I was being distracting, maybe. someone forgot to off the camera shutter sound. and someone wanted to drink coke eventhough he was coughing like mad (haiyo you ah). I had a back crack yesterday. ouchhh. dinner was omgidk. I didnt realize how hungry I was until I chewed on the meatball. apparently raw salmon and exam stress don't mix, I didnt feel good for the whole night. and I slept at 4 a.m. lovely. yeah. so if I was being grouchy today, my apologies.

maths is like OHMYGODDDIWANNAGOPEENOW. and that was the toughest e maths paper I have ever sat for (NOOOOO common test was easier! like omfg everyone's saying this is easier than common test). I saw the first few pages and.. well.. ten points for guessing correctly the first word that came to my mind. no time for panic attacks, seizures and fits or anything like that so I was just doing doing doing...
SCREWEMATHSOMFGHATEZXZXZXZXZXZXX!
I want a hug ):
okay so thats one maths, another one to go (HLYSHITZXRUTRO)

tmr is, Chemistry and Lit. (no wonder theres like noone online now :/)
I better go study.

p.s. I hope you liked the cookies.

- -F

turn the frowns upside down

2008-10-03T18:50:00.007+08:00

hoho that's so step cute but I kinda like it :D
anyho, Selamat Hari Raya to all Muslims out there, plz forgive me if I have done anything wrong to you ((:

meh, this year I didnt really have the mood to like jln raye esp yesterday cause I had school and all but my aunt cheered me up by "pranking" my younger aunt lol what about that.
aunt: hello... siapa di sana... *pauses* saye nk order gas la, gas saye da habes
younger aunt: *hangs up immediately*
then she called again, my cousin picked up the phone
aunt: hello, Din, mak ade? ........ lu tinggal block brapa har?

LIKE LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL SUPER RANDOM OR WHAT.

hahaha so today was boring. started with bio then watched tv. then I didnt continue studying. cause I suddenly didnt feel like it anymore, haiz. went online for a while, msn-ed with bby. then went for tuition. came online again. haiyo. I better go do maths after this. I dunno, I'm just tired maybe. or maybe bby's right, but I haven't been working really hard, tbh. ugh, I dunno. ni kes nk kene motivate diri sendiri lagi uhhh.
~~penat tau, penattttttttttttttttttttttttttt :/~~

- -F

because lists make me...

2008-09-22T19:55:00.002+08:00

1) Paper 1 iScrew(ed)
2) I was late for the paper today and there were like no more available tables so I wasted like 5 mins finding a table and a chair so that I can sit for the exam. pfft.
3) When I saw the question I was like "HO SHIZMIZ WTF HOW TO ANSWER?!?!??!" yeah.
4) I talked to Ridhwan today, LIKE LOL I KNW (I hope you read this :D)
hahah, it was nice talking to Ridhwan today (LOL I KNW)
5) I found out something from Sabbeh Sabbeh : O !
6) I found out something from Ridh and Amirul.
7) Plaster, Scotch tape and superglue?
8) I had killer headaches today :/
9) I hate having girl cramps.
10) I hate not puasa-ing when everyone else is, and like I have to pay back when everyone else is not puasa-ing and that sucks ass.
11) I lost faith in Chemistry/SS(oh God save me, finals is in 2 weeks, I need this A)
12) I'm unprepared for this week's papers
13) I need new shoes for raye.
14) NEXT WEEK IS RAYE! I like forgot about it. and thanks to Ridhwan, again, I remembered.
15) I forgot to buy something, shitzx.
16) Well, alot of things.
17) I want henna tattoos!
18) I want raye money to buy a new laptop, dang.
19)There's no tuition tmr, I'm gonna hibernate in the library. Wanna join?
20) My Social Studies is goin' down. shitzx.
21) Youtube doesnt like me anymore.
22) The Cab + Cassadee Pope + remix = hearts (many many!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpXVN8SUko8
23) 1 1/2 down, 8 more to go. Gambatte fuzzy!
24) tmr is Qistina's / SAFiah's birthday. happy birthday! :D

well. yeah. I fucking love lists.

- -F

time check

2008-09-19T20:33:00.003+08:00

10092008.
thanks for the wishes and presents and cards(:
i feel old, but its the best birthday so far heeh.
lots of cake, and unexpected wishes lol.
thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu :DD

19092008.
went to do my ic, and idk! HAHAHHAHA i was like LOLZOMG I LOOK LIKE MIKE CARDEN.
hahhahahhaa k maybe no, but his face was the first thing that came to my mind when i saw my photo. lol, after that went to geylang. i superlove my baju raye can! the color is so creamyyyy and i look good (AHAHAHHAHAA) then went home, and slept. skipped tuition, didnt feel so good blearghhhh. i dont wanna come down with anythng, it's like 2 days from final years lo. hahaha im done with my first paper, Art. mwahaaha it was okay i guess. chiang hong was like annoying me okay. so next is hmalay paper I and i have a feeling im gna screw up. ://
hahahaha. god. i should like stop talking about screwing up.

meh. finally the week is ending. this week was kinda shitty, idk, it didnt start well. i still owe myself 7 hours of sleep.

heh. laterz.

- -F

09092008

2008-09-09T19:58:00.004+08:00

:)

hehe, it's my last few hours being a 14 year old kiddo. trying to spend it meaningfully (k not rly, Im supposed to be rushing art homework).

today was kind of exciting. KIND OF.
heh, I got back my progress report. The grades are based on common test, and I think it really was berkat puasa, cause I was paying my hutang puasa during common test period (hahahahha!). IDK, it might be Singfest, cause it was a week before ct or maybe it's berkat cause I haven't been watcing Project Runway/CSI for God knows how long. hahaha but ALHAMDULILLAHHH my sacrifice and hard work paid off. okay I admit I haven't been working hard for Chemistry and Amaths so I guess I deserved the E8s. The more I think back the more I realize how close I am. I don't need a ruler to show it, but it's kind of scary thinking about not being able to improve, or worse, not being able to sustain my grades.
hahah, drumrolllllllllllllll
Eng: A1 (hahahha OMG I was like freaking out cause I have never gotten an A1 for English lol)
Amaths: E8 (still)
Emaths: A1 (lol, I think this is the first one too)
H.Malay: A1 (DEFINITELY THE FIRST A1 SINCE I ENTERED BP WOOOOOOO)
Biology: A2
Chemistry: E8 (HAHHA k I deserved it)
E.Lit/SS: B3 (lol I think I'm like 1 mark from an A. stupidz.)
'O' Art: A2 (still, haiz.)

yeah so Sab did my maths for me, and L1R5 is 10 (hahah omg don't blame me I'm still pretty stoked about it). and now everyone either wants to kill me or doesnt want to talk to me :///
hahhaaaa. man, I need to pull up my Chem and Amaths. It's gonna look bad in my report book. Five distinctions, mission accomplished, I guess. Time to get greedy, I want more A1's for my O's. I owe alot of people a big thank you though, for pushing me and motivating me. First and foremost to my momma/dad, who never fail to nag and lecture me about the importance of getting good grades cause it's for my own good. Secondly to Ms Aza, who is my main source of motivation. Thank you for constantly reminding me that I have to work hard no matter what and to believe in myself. To Izy and Aisyah and Syahirah and everyone else, thanks for all the hugs and notes.
Hahaha, this is so totally random, I remember Sandy gave me candy after that A maths test when I cried. Made me feel a better although I only got like what, 7 1/2? heh, thank you sannnn, i love you! :D

meh. I should get back to work. Lots to be done.
and happy birthday to me. and Liying too! :D
SEPTEMBER BABIES PWNZ0RZ! (haha)

- -F

07092008

2008-09-07T17:48:00.003+08:00

3 months old.
♥

- -F

2008-09-06T11:42:00.006+08:00

:):

i dont know. i've been quite a wreck this week, not working hard for end years which is like idk, 20 days away or less. slacking off is just so tempting. well it rained, and i just didnt feel like doing work (hahaa nice excuse, faz) so 3/4 of this week i spent it by curling in a corner of a bedroom and finishing nineteen minutes. it's wicked twisted really. you should go and read it. mmm. school's coming, i want term 4 to be a blast. cause yknow, im growing up and shit and it's the final term of the year.

my god. i sound like, terminally depressed. the pms must be kicking in too early.
better get off my ass and start work.

http://myspace.com/heymonday(another female fronted band woohoooooooo!)

Fear Of Flying - A Rocket To The Moon

- -f

SONG BOH?

2008-08-27T20:56:00.002+08:00

art finals is on my birthday.
I GOT MY IC APPLICATION LETTER MWAHAHAHAHHAA
(lol k sry)

hahah my god, today's piece = DISASTER OR WHAT.
did it in pencil, cause jia yi was also doing hers with pencil lol.
terrifying seh. i thought they would postpone the exam but they didnt.
so i was like "bast*rdddddddd!" hahahhaa
and i was like SONG BOH?! all the way when they told us art finals would be on my birthday. which is like first week aft september holidays. tcuh.
hahahahahhaa lol that was traumatizing.
and im going thru the same thing for the next two weeks. AGAIN
lol, better start cramming for biology quiz tml.

- -F

asking for trouble

2008-08-25T20:41:00.003+08:00

~~1) attempt suicide~~
~~2) skip school for the rest of the week and get zero for my art paper~~
3) attempt educational suicide by going for art paper unprepared.
4) attempt suicide
~~5) jump off the 12th storey~~
6) try to come up with something
7) try to come up with something
8) just go to sleep
9) attempt to submit an impromptu paper
10) okay i ran out of options 10 minutes ago

...........
time's running out.

oh the outing was fun. it rained like asncklsjdsldjsldjslkdjs so we went home and me being ~~bimbotic~~, i didnt change to jeans cause i didnt want the jeans to get dirty. so i was like half frozen by the time i reached jurong east. unlike someone, who still claimed that he wasnt cold after two cones of vanilla icecream and sitting under the air con during the whole bus ride. and someone, offered me his icecream but shoved it into my face while i was licking it. yeah so i shoved the second icecream cone into his face. YOU JUST GOT MACDONAL'D, MIMI. pshhhhhh. yeah so when we were at boonlay the rain was heavier like omgwthzxxxx. still cold. and noone was home. i didnt have keys so walked over to my aunt's place. and i fell down the stairs damnit. elbow still hurts ]]]:

kallang roar was mega lol! dollah kassim=gelek king ahahahaha abg anwar im so gonna irritate you with that name when you come back next year mwahahaahhha.
tarian was damn tiring plz. i messed up the old steps again hahahahah bimbo.

but that totally killed my momentum, i dont feel geared up for exams (or anything at all). hence the orange post its on my foolscap pad.

oh shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*t

:O x99876543212345678987654467898328328323938293238

- -F

49 hours

2008-08-21T21:00:00.004+08:00

I (still) think God has been quite fair to me.

PMS, bad decisions and good results just dont mix.
Fingers which act faster than the brain just makes things worse.

It's been a rough mid-week so far, with someone not talking to me for the past 48+ hours (still) and me not talking to someone because I'm not brave enough. (still, after 49 hours)
As a result, I end up kicking myself mentally for not thinking before I open my mouth. I end up being like some f*cking weak whiny ass, crying and not sleeping at night. I end up staring at you, hoping you'd turn my way and I would have enough courage to not look somewhere else when you actually do and open my mouth to explain myself and apologize, because I know no amount of stupid notes hidden in your textbooks would convince you that I truly am sorry for what I did on Tuesday night.

It feels like having blood on my hands. I put you through torment. I get sleepless nights. I've plagued by guilt. Karma police has arrested me.

"this is what you get
when you mess with us"

"Sometimes what you don't say ends up hurting you more than what you do"

Common test was fine until Amaths came along. Now I know how it feels like to fall. I failed by a mere 3 marks. and my results for the other subjects couldnt make up for it. Sure, I jumped from a barely-there-pass to an A for Emaths. Sure, I bounced back to an A2 for Bio. Yeah, my previous graded Eng Compre was a 7/25 but I jumped to a 16 half. And yet I feel like a complete failure. Funny how a marginal fail can affect me so badly. Maybe because I'm just like that. I've been there too many times. Failing Amaths by a few marks. After each test I realize how close I was. Finally when I passed, I felt invincible. And then I'm back to square one. It just SUCKS, dammit. All the sleepless nights, all the tears I shed, the days and afternoons I sacrificed just to make sure I get things right, just to make sure I have faith in myself that I can do this and now it has gone down the drain. That sickening feeling in my gut, my trembling hand as I reach out to take my answer script, my eyes searching for the marks written in glorious red ink, the disappointment and the tears falling down down down. It's coming back. This is so deja vu. This is so term 1. This is so January February March April May. I knw the rainbow after the rain doesnt stay. I didn't know it would be gone this soon.

- -F

29 hours

2008-08-20T20:46:00.002+08:00

dont look at me that way,
it was an honest mistake.

I'm sorry I'm really really sorry
I didnt mean it to be like that I was just joking.
I just want to talk to you again.
all I earned was a 2D/1N stay in hell.
that is if you decide to talk to me again.
if you dont,

~~im as good as dead~~
~~this will be the second trip to hell.~~
- -F

2008-08-15T20:06:00.002+08:00

dear you,
it wasnt that difficult. hell, it was easy but you couldn't do it. that's just saddening. you probably feel like a big screw up right now, but you know, it's okay. people do screw up sometimes.
let's just move along..

yours sincerely,
me.

L1 L1 MIGHTO-CHONDRIA!

2008-08-08T16:11:00.003+08:00

ZOMG WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!

awwwww man we are sweet
we got the whip
we cant be beat
we are the best
our team's too cool
we got the class to rock this school
oh yeah
oh yeah
oh oh oh yeah!

greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat job, L1! you guys so so so deserved it. the vid is with ms aza and go watch it lar kay, cause we were SO synchronized especially the chanting part! this is the best cheering comp ever for me, thanks to you guys who cooperated and came together. and the best part is that WE CREATED HISTORY, PEOPLE! according to sabrina, no L1 class has EVER won the school's cheering comp. hahaahha thanks for contributing your energy and time and thanks for not taking MC today(ehemcoughcough major referencing the MC king) and thanks for not hiding inside the toilet lol. have a good rest and jiayou for common test! (esp amaths lol) :DDDD

lolzomg, today's like teh best national day celebration ever. we won th cheering comp and I was like almost going bimbo (ahahahah bimbo) we so totally pwned the hockey pitch with 3M1 during the community singing. hahaha, I looked stupid but Im fazleen for crying out loud. HHAHAHAHAH. so now it's over, I gotta get back to last minute common test revision lol. OH AND ZOMGGGGG, I so totally passed my amaths test by 0.5 marks lolz but it's a pass. A PASS, DAMMIT! ~~(lol I feel invincible)~~ but had to admit, the paper was easy, and I should go die in a fire cause I COULDNT DO THE EASIEST SUM ON PROVING OF IDENTITIES which was worth 3 marks. WTF MANZX. aaah well. this shows that I have to study more, lol.

aaah okay bye. and happy watching fireworks ;D

- -F

ohhhh yeah!

2008-08-05T20:58:00.002+08:00

SINGFEST WAS AWESUMZX!

Lots of things happened, and I'm still too tired to type. so go here if you wanna know what the hell happened. hahahha, photos are on my friendster. (lol go find yourself) and and and and bf said he saw me on the news . Quote: I saw you and I was like wtf?! (hahaha what the hell, manzx) lol. yeah and Zul, if you happen to be reading, I want those photos you took! :D
I didnt stay to watch Alicia Keys cause I had to go home alr. but whoring-out with PCD was kewl ahahahahaha.
and and and and and and and and and

RYAN WAS HOT LIKE MMFMFMMASGGGGMDMDMMGGMMDSDMSLDKLAKLPWT!
I wanna bake cookies on him (lol icarly quote)
cause he smiled at me thrice!
yeah I almost fainted, manzx!
now I can die happy
:'D

haahh, kay thats all. cause I'm tired like whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

laterz.

- -F

A mild depression comes screaming through

2008-08-02T12:22:00.005+08:00

So I sit here finding a way
Surrounded but still lonely
Your absence here doesn't help, it doesn't help
Cause every time I look to you
A mild depression comes screaming through
I don't know myself, we don't know ourselves

I try to seek solace in other things now,
since home isn't home anymore.
I should go talk to someone.
Bad timing, seriously.
It seems just yesterday these happy memories were shared,
but why did they all disappear?
School's making me depressed. (soon)
Idk, I just don't feel good anymore.
Maybe it's just lack of sunshine. maybe not.
my mouth is dry, with words I cannot verbalize. It's making me sick. I remember every sentence, every phrase, every word in my head that I've been wanting to scream but when I open my mouth, there are only pictures running thru my mind. Even a superhuge sad face on this blog entry won't do. I wonder how long more I can handle this. I wonder how long more I can just sit and nod and leave it behind, forgive you because you're not to blame. gramatically speaking, you're adorable. you turn me inside out upside down. I dont know who I am anymore.

I hate talking about feelings.
-

'I am strong enough.'
Maybe this might be true,
if I keep telling myself this.

I

2008-07-24T22:09:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to do anymore.

yes my ankle is back in business. thanks for the "take care"s and "omg are you okay"s and Tiara, I CAN ROTATE IT! hell yeahz man.

dinner was fun.
and so was the journey back home (:
meh. funny how you turn me upside down at times.

- -F

2008-07-21T20:48:00.002+08:00

shit.
i just wanna crawl into a hole and....
well let's not even go there.
argh.

- -F

bodoh.

2008-07-19T16:49:00.003+08:00

ARRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRR
RRRGHHHHHH
MY ANKLE D:

it's not like i did it on purpose, psht. and it still hurts like a bitch okay. and i can't walk for nuts. bodooooooooooooooooo. so much for a good weekend.
]:

- -F

and you know that you feel it too

2008-07-18T20:38:00.002+08:00

hahhaha. it's been a horrible week. (kindof)
i slept, but i didnt sleep. i woke up, but i wasnt awake.
and i was staring into space 80% of the time. and school is beginning to get a little annoying..
okay really crappy week. i mean the only time i enjoyed school this was like.. i dunno, tuesday or monday. and today's p.e, my goodness, it's like the worst netball game i've ever played D:
i just didnt feel like i was doing my part as WA. then had malay. recess. e.lit. and maths. and bio quiz. and then i hung around cause ms aza borrowed my textbook and marked the papers. i got back my paper. and i'm like short of one mark to escape from SOB. oh damnnnnn. aaaarh. one more hour. but at least i got that 2 mark thing correct. hepatic portal vein is intestines to liverrrrrrr ahahaahaha. k today doesnt feel like a friday. cause you know, i didnt go home early after school. i didnt watch tv. i didnt abandon my books. raaaaah. heavy bag. and i didnt have time for my oh-it's-friday ice cream. grhhhhhhh. seems like i didnt have time for anything this week. i mean like, i've been busy with homework homework homework and thinking about stuff. tiring, please. but i love it when pretty odd makes me feel like everything's okay, somehow.
i feel neglected. but i feel like i've been neglecting something. somehow. kind of.
aarrrrrrrh kay. theres like gpa tmr and monday. grhhhh.
fazleen should stop complaining.
i better get ready my stuff.

have a good weekend.
i love you.

- -F

twilight zone

2008-07-16T21:35:00.002+08:00

I only slept for 2 hours yesterday. kthx.
*dizzy*

Northern downpour sends its love

2008-07-14T21:43:00.002+08:00

arrrrrgghghghghghghghghghhghgghhg. super tiring monday. I feel like crashing but I have homework to do. eugh. what's this, man. raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
*continues whining until 10.30 pm*

- -F

srsly

2008-07-13T08:28:00.000+08:00

i need jellybeans
and some medical attention

- -F

psh

2008-07-08T17:47:00.002+08:00

i feel like a wreck, thanks.
cant wait for this week to end.
i think im coming down with something. i dunno.
*prays hard that it's not mono or something serious*

:/

:[

- -F

I wanna be like

2008-07-07T21:01:00.000+08:00

Katie Kay.
my own clothing line. someday...
and improve my dancing skillz.

- -F

you made me

2008-07-04T19:10:00.001+08:00

speechless.

- -F

like seriously

2008-06-30T20:36:00.002+08:00

today's the happiest monday since 203923029302392 weeks ago. hahah first, i decided to sit beside some annoying bugger who kept claiming that i was copying his a maths homework and i ended up half screaming at him. hahahahha lol. then i had o level oral. lol i think i was a little too fast but i didnt sound like an mrt train so i guess im safe, right?!?!?! hahaha then mass dance. srsly whacked. but if youre willing to make a fool out of yourself this time, it can become an enjoyable thing. lol, it was supposed to be multi racial but srsly some parts it doesnt seem like chinese and malay dance. joget aleh aleh klua lagu chan mali chan. MEGA LOL. hahahaha tiring kay. aaaaah. lol, i better get back to work, or im screwed for life.
laterz

- -F

Oh Hush!

2008-06-28T11:08:00.002+08:00

aye aye aye bb. tired and aching from yesterday's p.e. god, if i played netball with the guys every week i can lose at least 2 kilos and run faster. like frrl. so yesterday was really good. well, the night before i slept like a bb halfway through my second seq (hahahah lol) and i didnt wake up at unearthly hours as usual. lol. yeah. then p.e was great fun, although my team lost and i almost twisted my left ankle. haha, believe it or not, tuition was good too. for the first time in my life, i did partial fractions and got everything right. and i pwn trigonometry because i got every single question for trig homework correct. for the first time also. hahahah. i wish everyday would be that way. i'd die happy if it were to happen. im beginning to actually like trig. wow. hahahah. anyway. happiness doesnt really last long, kan. im so gonna get screwed next week. dance practice and art and bazaar and more trig and OMFG MONDAY'S TEST =O
i better head to the library and start on art and partial fractions :/

bye bbz.

- -F

omfg

2008-06-26T19:26:00.001+08:00

pre natal depression.

):

school

2008-06-23T20:12:00.002+08:00

welcome back to school, fazleen.
and welcome back to hell. a.k.a jumps, crunches, back cracking, arches and attempting splits.

im surprised i didnt faint today.

- -F

2008-06-20T20:47:00.001+08:00

FAZLEEN> ADOBE IMAGE READY

;D

snakes on a plane is on in 10 minutes. (GAHAHAHAH)
laterrrrr.

- -F

2008-06-16T20:20:00.001+08:00

1. What’s your ambition?
designer. okay actually it's just to make fuckin cool t shirts and sell them like hotcakes and having random people come to me and say "gosh your t shirts ROCK!". heh.

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boyfriend?
both

Who is the person you trust most?
... i dont intend to sound like i have a huge ego but i trust myself. (okay at times i dont but... nevermind)

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
okay kinda not so much but i do have some.

5. Who is your idol?
hmm

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
yes i already saw one, i cant wait for the next one.

7.What is your goal for this year?
OWN O ART AND A MATHS.
lose weight.
do splits before cheering comp finals (oh god plz help me)
andddddddddd :D

8. Do you believe in eternity love?
i guess so

9. Have you broken someone’s heart that she/he tried to commit suicide?
yeah. i know, im mean. but hey. guys shouldnt be too sensitive.

10. What feeling do you love most?
"Im addicted to the way I feel when I think of you"
OMGZZZ IM QUOTING FALL OUT BOY
(after 3984398934585393489384938 years)

11. What are the requirements you wish from the other half?
i wish? uhhh. like, i dunno, smile more.
and dont always cari pasal with aisyah. (hahahahahha)

12. Who do u luv most?
like duhhh. okay mommy comes first.

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
i try to.

14. What does flying mean to you?
sit on a plane and go "whooooooooooooooooooooo!" lolz.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
oxygen. music. freedom of speech.

16. Do you love anime? naw

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 5 words.
meamie crazy lawa rambut brownnnnn.

18. What have you done to please yourself?
do maths until i see stars then reward myself with a chococone. heh

19. If time were to rewind, when will you want it to be?
1980s.

20.If your room is empty,what's the first thing you want to put in?
A STEREO. and a set of decks. like super uber cool ones.

OMGZZZZZZZZ I SURVIVED OBS. heh it was cool, made new friends. and yes i learnt to be responsible. cause like the peeps in my watch ate so little i was so scared if they will like faint or smth. but being food ic was fun. hehe. and bibi is like supercute laaaah. oh and omggggg! i climbed a rock wall! ahahhha well i didnt finish it but it was a big achievement for me because i have like severe height phobia. k not rly severe but i feel dizzy if i look down from high places. (ahahahaha band comp rmbr? :D ) so i did climb a rock wall. and kayaking was damn fun. hahahaha capsize drills with rong jie are like damn funny. HAHAHAHA.
rj: *swings kayak* okay 1 2 3
me: *screams*
bibi: very good okay do your checks
me: kayak check! buddy check!
rj: aye hallo! paddle check!

mega lolz
and we took like forever to rescue sufy and jessica. HAHAHAHAHHA.
yeah. sooo... some things happened, im just so lazy to blog about it. oh hahah. kungfu pandaaaa! okay so last minute but it was super funny. movies with no popcorn (hahah what nonsense, i thought you didnt want also) abeh dapat ticket, da scratch and like we won a free popcorn thing. hahahahahaa. nonsense. :DDD
well actually nothing much happened.im having like superbad stomachache every two days. rawr.

AND STOP TEASING ME, AISYAH.
(if youre reading this.)

gyeahhhh. school is starting soon. i need to start finding my books. *panics.

- -F

2008-05-30T22:34:00.000+08:00

O SNAP.

2008-05-30T21:37:00.002+08:00

TAGGED BY QISTINAAAAAAA
Rules:
- Each blogger start with 10 random facts, habits about themselves.
- Blogger that have been tagged need to post on their blog about 10 things
- At the end of this, you gotta choose 5 people, list them and tag them on the blog
- Don't forget to comment on their blog that they have been tagged.

10. I AM RANDOM : D
9. I steal straws from macdonalds
8. I love ankle socks that are cute
7. I am fascinated by the most mundane things, like old dying trees on the roadside.
6. I do NOT like to watch shows like America Idol, Survivor etc.
5. I just have a knack for writing crappy essays
4. I do not want flowers from anyone (even boys.)
3. I put fries in my burgers.
2. I actually think tattoos are cool. (no not the scary looking ones)
1. I have a dream... no not Ryan Ross. no not Anthony Improgo.

(Im kinda hoping but I have a feeling it won't)

5 People to do this Quiz.
- T QUS! :D

- SHIRARARARARRA :D

- NURUL MILANE :D

- TIARA

- SABEHHHH

errr okay. so what's up? I'm STILL missing *didda didda*. and ummm MY MUSCLE MAN IS MUSCULARRRRR! whooooooooo i mean, after 4 days of toning and toning and staring at purple colored body parts i'm finally 3/4 done with my gay-turned-man. seriously, first i gave him boobs, then i gave him a food baby, then i gave him a J.Lo butt. wthhhhhhzx. sick, i know. yeahhh. now I have a food baby. jeez. omgzx OBS is coming. i better pack.

p.s I STILL MISS YOU ]:

- -f

feels like forever

2008-05-26T09:27:00.002+08:00

feels like forever

since i updated. mid years are gone, i think i did kind of okay although i screwed up my sciences. i finally passed a maths. like frrlz frrlz bby. yeah. life has been kind of a blur but pretty much bearable except for some days when i feel like opening my arteries and bleeding myself dry. dont ask. it's just one of those "ish, sakit hati seh" kind of thing. i mean, i just feel like screaming my head off and doing some headbanging but too bad i only have ONE Alesana song. and then some days i just wanna switch off and stare into space (actually i already did). it's been an exhausting six months and things have changed for me, and thats okay. (hahahhaha panic moment.) eurghhhh. doodling excessively as a coping mechanism. i mean, i havent heard a peep from *didda didda* since.... i dunno. feels like ages. nevermind. ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]: even a thousand emoticons cannot tell you how i feel. so now it's the holidays (holidays my ass.) and ummm. i have to go back to school. like now. sooooooo, dont expect an update soon. i'm still a lazy gegerl. okay bye.

p.s. i miss you.

library

2008-04-19T16:08:00.002+08:00

hahha. didnt do anything that producte at library just now. oh. oh. oh! i found Rant :D
JACKPOT :D
heh. i've been wanting that book since foreverrrrrrrrr. so yeah now i got it. haha. so i was walking around the library bare footed. yeah. got bored of coordinate geometry so i started walking around looking at magazines and whatnot. hmm. should start mugging seriously. heh.

2008-04-17T20:01:00.002+08:00

dksdfjsfnsdkfnsdkfnsfksdn!

I GOT DOUBLE DIGIT SCORE FOR A MATHS :D
ok ar. da blaja mcm nak mampus. dapat 13.
geeheeee.

so i studied/sang/slacked with izyan aisyah syahirah. sang taufik songs and got "emo" HAHAHAHAH. aisyah turned on the radio and the song Low came on. Ape lagi, me and izyan jumped around and did crumping HAHAHAHA. "shake ya booty gerl!"
hehe, fun fun. makan ice cream, abeh declare siaper first. i was last. of course la. hehe. okay.

gonna mug for chem.
laterrrrrr.

2008-04-16T21:44:00.001+08:00

sayang.
kau.
no no no no.
bleargh.
haiz.

FASHION REVOLUTION

2008-04-16T20:53:00.002+08:00

mimi didnt come today.
HAHAHHA MIMI.
Cikgu: mane mimi?
me: huh, siaper mimi?
izyan: dier sakit
me: oh mimi.
cikgu: sakit ape dier?
me: entah tadi pagi dier sms saye dier sakit

oh oh oh

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS AZAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

fashion revolution was cooll. thats cooll with a double l. we kinda shocked everyone cause suddenly the whole class had longs socks. hehe. macam kental ar but SO WHAT? ahh. pictures not with me. i'll post them later

2008-04-15T20:41:00.002+08:00

oh goddamnit.
psht. psht.
monday: abdominal pain. back ache. leg cramps. dizziness
tuesday: dizziness. abdominal pain. irritation.
gwarr.
im tired. like, seriously. next week.. next week.. i hope it wont be so hectic since im not used to fending for myself for breakfast and early mornings.
haiz. someone wake up call me at 4?

2008-04-11T02:54:00.000+08:00

time check:2.54a.m
left with: art
it's do or die.

2008-04-10T22:07:00.002+08:00

yeah you were right. i have to learn.
wheres my icecream? *insert muka tk tau malu here *=D
overworked
overkill.
overload.
please wait for the next lift

2008-04-08T20:13:00.001+08:00

fuck.
a thousand emoticons still cannot tell you how depressed i am.
):

2008-04-03T19:22:00.003+08:00

i love my
fat cheeks
[:

2008-04-02T20:33:00.002+08:00

talking is really great help, eventhough it's not talking talking.
thanks for listening to me rant about homework and whatnot.
and happy birthday in advanced, nizar (:

GISELLE!

2008-03-29T16:37:00.002+08:00

giselle was great. went with some juniors and seniors. during the dance Josephine kept inserting dialogue during the exciting parts. she was like "oh how could you?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.cause Giselle was jilted. it's actually a rectangle, because two triangles make up a rectangle. OK LAME, FAZLEEN
haaah. blew $10 on a tshirt. I wanted to buy those Metro Station-ish neon light sticks but im dead broke. danggggg
oh well. that's giselle.

2008-03-23T21:05:00.003+08:00

no I'm just sexually confuzzled. hahahahah, not a man, not yet a woman. heh but i like that shirt. unfortunately it's not mine

2008-03-21T21:58:00.000+08:00

SPOTLIGHTS,BABY!

waaaah omg, NUS tomorrow. I'm nervous. sheesh.
(walaupun aku hanya jadi budak spotlight)
bad lighting can actually spoil the whole thing, from what I heard. so I'll try my best not to screw up or turn on the lights too bright or turn on too many colors for cyc and wash k.wish me luck kay.
i should bring my yellow "bandana" for good luck. hmm.
may the force be with us!
:D

2008-03-20T20:07:00.003+08:00

dear whoever,

okay really
all i want to do is just sit in front of the tv with a tub of icecream and watch csi for hours. i need comfort food.
i feel burntout
i feel like being an attention whore.
lets talk about something else.
like how the F9 twins look damn good on my goddamn progress report
yeah.

"aku hanya, sederhana"

2008-03-19T21:38:00.000+08:00

waaaah
i feel burntout
and i have runny nose. what more can i ask for?
hugs?

2008-03-18T23:16:00.002+08:00

heehahahahahaahhaha
biology was so random today. we played this mirror game and i partnered sophia.
rawr, i finished the literature essay this morning like 1 hour before lesson but im re writing. that was some shitty shit i handed in so yeah, i'm re writing.
tomorrow's gonna be a long day. i better sleep

2008-03-17T22:21:00.002+08:00

Time check: 10.30
my ass hurts. I've been sitting on this chair for the past 3 hours but I only have two pathetic paragraphs for the Lit essay(which is like due in 10 hours' time). oh wait, scratch that. lets restart.

2008-03-17T20:31:00.001+08:00

I SURVIVED DAY 1 OF TERM 2

mm, not so bad for a monday. oh oh izyaaaaaaaan! lip rings are like super hot k :D

- -F

2008-03-16T13:14:00.001+08:00

alright.
sorry.
not now

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh

2008-03-16T12:04:00.002+08:00

no, really, it's okay

tak, serious, takde lah, tak bedek, betul, tak, tak bohong, maner ade? tak bedek lah, betul

9 more frigging days to PRETTY.ODD. 6 more days to deklamasi sajak @ NUS. being the light fx person is good fun but i forgot to experiment more. heh. cant wait to meet all those sliders and flicker buttons again :D

so tomorrows monday. i havent had a proper term break unlike someone who got to watch tv all day. heh. yeah. lets see how tomorrow goes eh. more homework, more scoldings, more nagging. this is gonna be great. hell yeah. *rolls eyes*

now that we're done. ape ape lah. aslkan you bahagia sudah.

2008-03-15T22:17:00.001+08:00

*POOF!

there goes my holidays. i feel burnt out.

GPA :D

2008-03-09T18:59:00.007+08:00

2008-03-07T21:55:00.000+08:00

GPA tomorrow.

- -F

i'll be blunt

2008-03-06T20:33:00.002+08:00

this is an automatic loveletter.

i should stop being stupid. how blind was i? very, i guess.
i didnt see but i shouldve known. i shouldve known. i shouldve known.

i took a long time, but i sewed it shut.
then you came back.
your words were the razors that cut through
and pulled the strings apart.
everything spilled out.
everything spilled out.
everything.
now here i stand, ashamed of the scars you left me,
the traces you left behind.

this wasn't worth the sting

i never wanted it to turn out that way,
maybe it was purely fate,
or maybe it was purely hate.

i shouldnt think about you.
i shouldnt think about you.
i shouldnt think about you.

"Photograph each day so we can live forever.
Sit in the light to make the dark a little darker and I dance to move only you
and I fight to kiss and make up. I scream for some silence. I laugh to laugh for once,
not there so you notice I'm gone and I breathe cuz its neccessary and I sigh when I see the moon.
I dream to make sleep less boring. until there was you and I feel in the absence of heart and
I plug my eyes to cry. I'm a hopeless romantic and kicking the habit but all hearts have darts.
I wear this angels crown to cover up my devils frown and upon my broken chest lay a struggle between loneliness and
things that are out of place like my head in outer
space and the carpet you walked on the ceiling that cries please don't walk away. Sweet red cherry blossom tree that
lives in both you and me. You marked your name but I can see, its not on me. So I've shamelessly gone and made
myself come undone.
Heavy hangs my head when I'm unhearted."

you're coloring my eyes red.
your love's not alive it's dead.

this drama sat shot gun
my eyes rained like autumn
only the glove box knows
how the story goes

now that this bandage is broken and
the cuts left in open
i'll tell you just one thing
this wasn't worth the sting

- -F

let's not pretend

2008-03-06T20:19:00.000+08:00

i guess not.

- -F

2008-03-04T21:28:00.000+08:00

sleepy
tired
tired
sleepy
sleepy
tired
tired
sleepy
sleepy
tired
tired
sleepy
sleepy
tired
tired
sleepy
sleepy
tired
tired
sleepy

- -F

tonight im finding a way to make the things that you say just a little less obvious

2008-03-03T20:29:00.002+08:00

LOOK WHO'S TALKIN'

"fazleen tk tau malu jln dengan amirul sebelah sebelah pulak tu"
EXCUSE ME? kau yang jalan berkepit dengan 2 lelaki, modest ah tu?

seriously you should like look at yourself in the f*cking mirror before you try to make a smart remark about someone else

that wasnt a smart move. oh i forgot, youre a f*cking hypocrite right? youre telling people off but you're the one doing it.

so stop acting like a big shot in front of us. you think im jealous of you? hello, i don't indulge in being the only girl at
the recess table. hello, i don't try to ACT like someone im not. hello, i'm not running off with my new friends and leaving the
old friends behind. who's drifting apart now? oh wait i remember something:

i don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it

so there you go.

School's out next week. I'm taking 2C for environmental painting. OH JOY. Jessica Cheng,
if you are reading this i would like to appeal to you. please i want to change class. can? D:

- -F

2008-03-02T21:37:00.000+08:00

i feel like shit seriosly.

- -F

i know, i know

2008-02-20T21:44:00.001+08:00

when everything goes downhill, who do you turn to?

i've lost touch of my positive side. where's the little voice in my head which tells me to go on
even though i feel like stopping? theres nothing left inside, i guess. just some sort of numbness, like
i'm overdosed on morphine or something.
i've been too emotional perhaps. i know i know it's just a fucking a maths test

i feel like shit seriously. crying, crying, crying. it's pretty exhausting you know.

something else always gets in the way.

aku tau ah i shouldnt be thinking about dier

but suddenly he just popped into my mind

abeh kau tengok lah aku skarang tengah pathetic macam gini

kalahkan budak kecik mintak susu dari mak dier.

bende bende gini aku nak ckp ngan siaper?

easier said than done you know.

aku nak melalak, dah tak larat.

air mate dah kering dari dulu.

i can't even remember how it feels like when you smile at me.

i should leave you alone.
- -F

2008-02-19T20:07:00.003+08:00

it was there

but it disappeared

thanks for the hugs [:
and thanks for the candy, sandy[:

- -F

9ita

2008-02-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

your eyes are the size of the moon

http://xrunriot.deviantart.com/art/size-of-the-moon-77184694

please?

2008-02-08T20:22:00.000+08:00

Medicine man, you dance me across the country

Medicine man, you dance me across the sky

Medicine man, now my feet are dragging

Medicine man, can you hear my cry?

I don't wanna be

The one, the one, the one

That you forget

I don't, I don't, I don't

Just want to be your regret

Medicine man, I lay my head in your hands

Medicine man, you will clear my mind

Medicine man, can you heal my body?

Medicine man, can you hear my cry?

I don't wanna be

The one, the one, the one

That you forget

I don't, I don't, I don't

Just want to be your regret

I don't know where to begin

I don't know how to break

The bottle I'm living in

Do anything to take away

The memory of him

Can't you see that I have no way out

From leaving now?

Medicine man, clear my mind

Medicine man, whoa

Medicine man, hear my cry

Medicine man, no

Medicine man, you are here in my mind

Medicine man, oh

Medicine man, hear my cry

Medicine man, whoa

Medicine man, medicine man

Medicine man, whoa

- -F

call

2008-02-08T18:30:00.000+08:00

you can call me budak sweeney, thanks to miss aza.

im a happy girl today.

my brother brought home a couple of dvds yesterday and one of them was.....

SWEENEY TODD! LIKE OMFGIGETTOWATCHSWEENEYTODDYAY!

ok so the movie's pretty gory but it should've been NC-16. It's not really THAT GORY to me.
Im used to seeing blood spluttering out from people's throat on tv (HAHAHHAHAHAHA)

so anyway, i would definitely recomend sweeney todd:the demon barber of fleet street to those
who can stand blood(anyway it looks fake).

viva la demon barber huahuahuahuahua

- -F

quite as bright

2008-02-06T20:59:00.000+08:00

-i failed my a maths test

-other tests were kinda ok

-i realised i missed watching csi at regular timings during biology SPA

-i get people to spot the difference between me and fad's passport size fotos.

-my friends appeared on tv HAHAHHAHAHAHA

-i had alot of junk food this week

-my phone died, aku dah kebumikan k.

-helena bonham carter looks good with eyebags.

-i am now BUDAK SWEENEY. hahahahhahah

-today was the first time i went to the picture house.

-i didnt go back to fuhua today

-i miss qistina.

-commonly used phrase: WHUT THE ....

-i have an affection for the smell of the staffroom at nexus campus (dont ask)

-i collect junk

-i shouldve gone for last week's public speaking cos the topic was so bloody easy.

-i have alot of homework

-kite runner movie failed to make me cry

-i need sleep

- -F

2008-02-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

sleep

- -F

2008-01-31T19:58:00.000+08:00

And I got the point that I should leave you alone

But we both know that I'm not that strong

And I miss the lips that made me fly

- -F

2008-01-27T18:26:00.000+08:00

Because the world would always be full of hypocrites.

we're so dissing you, period.

what he showed me really made me angry. ok, i'm fine with one, but the other one?
it really pisses me off to see this kind of thing going on. plz, don't make me
spew my intestines out looking at your facade. and to him: been there done that. done what?
i lost my respect for you. i'm not sorry and you'll have to deal with it, cause that's LIFE right?
sure i'll do your shit, but don't command respect.
Earn it back, if that is even possible

- -F

i have to

2008-01-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

re write the bloody essay. wtf

study for bio.

do art.

type and send karangan

finish tuition homework before tuesday

watch csi miami before sunday

re-download my songs from limewire

finish my e maths monday morning cause i left the textbook in school

clean up under my table cause it looks worse than a kandang babi.(seriously)

run faster during p.e

endure shitty fridays.

for now, aku layankan sahaja sikap kau yang suka membebel tentang benda remeh-temeh dan menyuruh kita membuat worksheet yang merepek habis.

laptop ni betul-betul menguji kesabaran aku

ok bye.

- -F

oh no

2008-01-24T21:05:00.000+08:00

rough week.

rough week...

so far, nothing much happened, except more scolding/nagging or whatever you call it from various teachers. OH OH OH something happened but i won't say it. actually it was fucking ridiculous if you ask me (OMG my first swearword in 3 weeks)

yesterday i had art and i was just so freaking tired when i got home. Nizam saw me going out of the school gate and told me "Hayley aku punye jgn kacau". naseb baik aku belum telan air kalau tak aku tercekik mampus.

this morning for the very first time i woke up at 3.50 am to study a maths and complete undone homework. faham-fahamkan sahaja homework siaper. i wouldnt have woken up if not for my phone vibrating under my pillow and Remembering Sunday sounding louder than usual.

today we had chemistry and a maths tests today, one after another. thinking about how badly i messed up my remainder and factor theorem part, i refused to eat. but i did anyway. hunger pangs never fail to make a comeback. anyway, the rest of the day was quite a drag. phototaking and stuff. english, and hmly was free period whoooooooooooooo then after that was bio. which inspired me to actually bring home my textbook and study. and then YMP. at first everyone was kind of reluctant to go but in the end it's kinda fun. and Safiah roll clay tak pass. WEK WEK WEK...

i should start on my homework, since it's nine already.

- -F

oh well let's just embrace it

2008-01-20T20:06:00.000+08:00

sec 3 sucks. i mean c'mon, it's only 3rd week. im sleepy. im lethargic, and im pretty much angry. at who, please dont ask. buat sakit hati sahaje. i dont have much to complain because cca is only starting tmr. the week so far was bloody tiring. the exhibition wasnt what i expected but nonetheless, it was pretty fun. with gila people, you go gila. and amirul z introduced a new technique to relief stress which is stabbing packets of oheya. i should try that someday. it should be fun...

then the gap between tuesday and friday was a blur, partly because i didnt do anything productive and partly because i didnt get much sleep and breakfast. that's what school does. grabs from you your right to sleep/eat like a pig. rushing thru homework during recess is a great way to stop you from eating so much. i've been missing the makcik's mee kuah and nasi briyani on fridays.

so much for a great start for the new year. i cant help it if the sense of apathy comes back for some bloody reason. i dont know, dont you feel like throwing your books to the north pole at times? dont you feel like you dont want to care about certain things anymore? dont you feel like screaming "who the hell are you to make me listen to you?"

maybe im just tired. let me sleep for tonight.

"if you have to let it go, walk away"- FFAF

oh and izyan, next time you wake up to do homework at 4am, sms me also k.

- -F

2008-01-15T20:46:00.001+08:00

wtf.

- -F

elec.tronica

2008-01-14T21:19:00.000+08:00

Trace Cyrus.

ohmy.

[: [:

Six page essay, here I come. NOT
I'll get it done. soon. before tomorrow.

- -F

psst.

2008-01-05T18:28:00.000+08:00

psst.
wanna know something?
i actually finished my bio worksheet.
and it's a saturday [:

- -F

haii

2008-01-03T18:49:00.000+08:00

haii yes it's 2008

haii yes imma fucking senior [oh wow red name tags]

haii im in 3L1, away from Diyanah and Shirah who are actually taking the same combination as me [well i have art as an extra...]

ohyes.

AKU ART STUDENT BEB!

nyehehehehehhe

i'll work hard k. dont worry. dont worry. ;]

i need money to alter my skirt. dont call me a slut lah k. im not used to wearing skirts which ends on my knees. and i dont look good in them. and im a senior damnnit.

- -F